Although I started my business with little ones in mind, I began encountering families who, when I told them what I do, jokingly asked if I work with teens. Initially, I responded with humor, saying I could teach anyone to use the toilet properly. However, after hearing that question repeatedly, I began to realize there is a genuine need for support during the transitions from child to teen and teen to adult.
Many parents have expressed a range of emotions from confusion and slight insecurities to outright fear when dealing with these transitions. The journey from childhood to adulthood involves navigating numerous, often overwhelming, topics. The uncertainty about whether they are adequately preparing their children for the future can be daunting for parents. At the same time, parents want to ensure their children feel supported as they venture into the world.
Understanding Teens as Individuals
The first piece of advice I always give families is that teens are people too. This reminder is crucial regardless of the child's age. In the midst of fear and uncertainty, it is easy to forget that children are individuals with the same basic needs as everyone else. While the expression of these needs may vary at different ages and stages, the underlying intention to treat each child as an evolving individual can simplify many interactions.
Let’s delve into some of these needs and how they change from infancy to adulthood:
Autonomy
From the moment a child begins to explore their surroundings, they seek autonomy. This need grows stronger during the teenage years as they strive for independence. Allowing teens to make decisions and experience the consequences fosters critical thinking and self-reliance. For example, giving a teenager the responsibility of managing their own time, such as balancing schoolwork and social activities, can help them develop essential life skills.
Respect
Respecting a child's opinions and feelings, even when they differ from your own, builds a foundation of trust. For teens, respect means acknowledging their viewpoints, understanding their need for privacy, and treating them as capable individuals. It’s important to engage in open and respectful dialogues with teens, validating their thoughts and feelings. This mutual respect encourages teens to share their experiences and seek guidance when needed.
Feeling Heard
Everyone needs to feel heard, but for teens, this is especially important as they navigate their identity and place in the world. Active listening and validating their feelings can significantly impact their self-esteem and confidence. Create an environment where your teen feels safe to express their thoughts without fear of judgment. Regularly set aside time for meaningful conversations, showing genuine interest in their lives.
Feeling Appreciated
Appreciation goes a long way at any age. Recognizing and celebrating your teen’s achievements, no matter how small, reinforces their value and encourages positive behavior. Acknowledge their efforts and successes, whether it’s in academics, extracurricular activities, personal growth, interactions with their siblings, or involvement in household responsibilities. This positive reinforcement boosts their self-worth and motivates them to continue striving for excellence.
Privacy
As children grow, their need for privacy increases. Respecting this need helps teens feel trusted and responsible. It’s essential to strike a balance between being involved and giving them space to grow independently. For instance, allow them to have their personal space and respect their boundaries, but also maintain open lines of communication to ensure they feel supported.
Shifting Roles: From Protector to Mentor
At some point, parents need to transition from being protectors, decision-makers, and providers to being mentors, guides, and sounding boards. The more we attempt to influence another person in a specific direction, the more likely they are to become defensive and dig their heels in to protect their ideas from being judged and dismissed. This transition can be challenging, but it is essential for fostering a healthy parent-teen relationship.
As a mentor, your role is to guide rather than dictate. Offer advice based on your experiences, but allow your teen to make their own choices. Be there to support them when they face challenges and celebrate their successes. Encourage critical thinking and problem-solving skills by discussing potential outcomes of their decisions and helping them evaluate their options.
Building Self-Esteem and Confidence
Helping your teen build self-esteem and confidence is essential for their overall well-being. Encourage them to pursue their interests and passions, whether it’s in academics, sports, arts, or other activities. Remember the earlier pieces about respect and feeling heard. Your child’s interests and preferences may differ from what you enjoy and value, even going so far as being something that you believe may be harmful. Keep in mind that you are shifting to a mentor role. Speaking with them about their choices from a place of curiosity rather than judgment will allow them to stay open and curious themselves instead of doubling down or hiding things from you. Celebrate their achievements and support them through their challenges. Provide opportunities for them to take on responsibilities and make decisions, fostering a sense of independence and self-worth.
Practical Steps for Parents
Supporting your teen through these transitions can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Here are some practical steps you can take to get the support you need:
Schedule a Free Consultation: Understand your specific needs and how I can help. A consultation can provide clarity on the areas where your teen might need support and how you can effectively address these needs.
Schedule a One-on-One or Family Coaching Session: Personalized support tailored to your family’s needs. Coaching sessions can help you develop strategies for effective communication, conflict resolution, and fostering a positive family dynamic.
Schedule a “Big Sister” Session for Your Teen: Provide your teen with the opportunity to speak with a neutral party about what they are experiencing and struggling with. This is a private session. Nothing they say will be shared unless they agree to it but the general issues uncovered can be used in a “How can you support them better” perspective. A “big sister” session offers a unique perspective and can help your teen navigate their challenges with confidence. Having the support of an adult who is not their parent can make a huge difference for a child who is struggling to navigate the new dynamics that this stage of their life brings..
Conclusion
Navigating the teen years can be daunting, but with the right support and strategies, you can help your child grow into a confident, capable adult. Remember, teens are individuals with unique needs and desires. By fostering autonomy, respect, appreciation, and open communication, you can build a strong, supportive relationship with your teen. Embrace the role of mentor and guide, and provide them with the tools they need to navigate the complexities of emerging adulthood.
Supporting teens through their transitions requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt. By being present, listening actively, and providing the right guidance, you can help your teen develop into a responsible and self-assured adult. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reach out for support and make use of the resources available to ensure both you and your teen thrive during this transformative period.
Navigating the transition from childhood to adulthood is a continuous process of learning and growing for both parents and teens. By focusing on building a strong foundation of trust, respect, and open communication, you can create an environment where your teen feels supported and empowered to take on the challenges of emerging adulthood.
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